Friday, January 5, 2007

Stickin' it to the Snow Man

Since everything else gets blamed on our Commander-In-Chief, I've decided that snow must be no different.

The way I figure, Bush must have found a way to control the weather. I mean, this snow is pure EVIL. And who does evil better than our president? Just about no one....

How could he control the weather, you ask? It must have something to do with that direct line to the man upstairs he thinks he's got. I mean, the Republican Party is God's Party, yes?

Or maybe it's some kind of meteorological warfare he's testing out on us. You know...he'll see if we all go crazy and start sticking our heads in ovens and then he'll take this new technology to Iraq and use it on the poor people there. I can just hear him now, "If those folks in Denver can't handle it, what are all them A-rabs gonna do in the snow? Woo-Hoo this is gonna be a good one. They ain't afraid of the war on terror? Let's show 'em a war on climate...."

But why have the good people of Denver been chosen to test such horrific technology? Well, I was just about to get to that....

You see, folks, this is what happens when the state of Colorado elects a democratic governor. George W. Bush is punishing us for not electing the Republican Asshat who ran against Ritter. I refuse to mention his name.... On top of that, Ammendment 42 got passed, which according to one campaign commercial, did not have God's seal of approval. Just think what would've happened if Referendum I had passed! The city would be completely buried!Now, good people of Denver, what should we do about this? Should we give in and never vote for the good of all Coloradoans again? No, gentle readers! We can not give in! We must fight ice with fire.

I propose that everyone make a stand against Bush's oppressive weather conditions by doing one of the things he really really hates. That's right, folks, I'm talking about fucking.

Everyone, find a partner (or two or three or four, and so on) and get nasty today. I mean really nasty. I suggest everyone step up the kink-factor times about a thousand. Of course, if you happen to be a member of the GLBT community then Bush already thinks you're an abomination, so you're free to have any kind of sex you want...sadly, your sexual orientation alone offends him enough to do some damage to this plot of his (but of course, going a little wild wouldn't hurt anything). Everybody else...seriously...cut out that prissy upper-middle-class vanilla shit and go crazy in the bedroom (or bathroom, office, or conference table if you aren't at home)

I was going to suggest this only happen today, but now that I'm really thinking about it, we should probably go for at least a solid week. I mean, desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

Much love...


P.S.--Don't forget to use protection. I told you to get kinky, not stupid.

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